Hip, hip, hooray! Bali has finally opened up, and guess what, all you cooped-up travellers? Bali is waiting for you with open arms! So now is the perfect time to book the Bali holiday you’ve been dreaming of for the past two years, and you can do it here at Bali Villa Escapes.

If you are planning that family getaway to this beautiful tropical Island of the gods, then the best way to start your holiday is to look at some of the best family-friendly Bali villas where you can relax with the kids.

If you have never been to Bali before, you most likely want to stay in areas with ample entertainment for the kids, such as the beach, many restaurants, cafes and places to keep them busy when it’s raining. Hence, the areas of Seminyak, Canggu, Legian and Uluwatu are the best places to rent a villa and use it as a base to start exploring the rest of the Island. Or, you can sit around the pool, sip a few margaritas or cold Bintangs and enjoy the privacy of being in your tropical hideaway.

If all this sounds wonderful and you are ready to take the plunge and book your holiday villa, these should get those holiday vibes kicking along nicely.

Villa Miro in Seminyak (3 bedrooms)

Villa Miro Seminyak
Fantastic location in the heart of Seminyak – lots of shopping for the kids
Stone’s throw from Eat Street in Oberoi
Walking distance to the beach where the kids can enjoy the ocean & learn to surf
Private pool & jacuzzi
TV room with AC
Spacious air-conditioned living room
BBQ in the garden

Villa Siam in Seminyak (3 bedrooms)

Perfect tropical home in the centre of Seminyak
Safely tucked in a villa residence – so its safe for the kids
Pool access from the living room
The living room is equipped with AC
Roof terrace with sunbeds and lounge spot
1 minute from Oberoi’s Eat Street
Walking distance to KU DE TA and beach where the kids can enjoy surfing, sun and swimming

Villa Ipanema in Seminyak (5 bedrooms)

Stylish tropical designs
Open living room with fantastic pool views
Peaceful location in between Seminyak and Canggu
Walking distance to Batu Belig beach
Big bedrooms with bathtubs
Rice field views
Close to Finn’s Recreation Club

The Layar in Seminyak ( choice of 2,3 and 4 bedrooms)

Designers villas
Great location in central Seminyak
Tucked inside a villa residence
Free shuttle to the beach
Walking distance to Eat Street
Sprawling elevated garden with a pool

Villa Senang in Seminyak (4 bedrooms)

Traditional Balinese villa in Batu Belig
Just minutes from the beach
Paradise-like garden with 2 swimming pools
Airy open-sided living room
5-minute drive to the centre of Seminyak
The chef and babysitter are available (additional charges)

Villa Anahit in Uluwatu (4 bedrooms)

Breakfast included
Luxurious villa with sensational ocean views
Top wifi and cable tv
FREE airport pick up
Peaceful with lots of privacy
Large garden area – perfect for a family holiday
6.9 km to Samasta Lifestyle Village, 4.4 km to OMNIA Dayclub Bali & 500 metres to Pandawa Beach
Huge interiors with lots of space and privacy
Private butler, villa manager & security
Luxe infinity swimming pool
Near ATMs, convenience stores, supermarkets, cafes, health food shops and pharmacy

Villa Dewi Lanjar in Uluwatu (4 bedrooms)

Breakfast included
5-star service & luxury

Private butler, villa manager & security
Near great surfing beaches: Uluwatu, Dreamlands, Bingin, Greenbowl & Padang
Excellent value considering your getting your private pool 4 bedroom villa in this fantastic location
Modern interiors with lots of space
200 metres to Pandawa Beach, 4.4 km to OMNIA Dayclub Bali & 5.9 km to Sidewalk Jimbaran Mall
Fully air-conditioned
Spacious bedrooms, all with their private en suite bathrooms
Gorgeous swimming pool with views out to the ocean

Villa Bon Bon in Canggu (4 bedrooms)

Superbly located just 200 metres from Berawa Beach.
Open plan tropical feel that’s light and very spacious.
Outdoor BBQ facilities
Finns Club is just a few minutes’ drive away.
Near ATMs, convenience stores, supermarkets, bottle shops, delis, patisseries, bakeries, health food shops, yoga studios, gyms, taxis and pharmacy
Seminyak is a 15 min taxi ride away – all the best restaurants, bars, cafes & shops are nearby.

So, there are just a few of our wonderful family holiday villas. If you would love to see our full range of family villas that tick all those holiday boxes visit the website, or you can chat online with the reservation team.

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LIFESTYLE

What 2022 The Year of the Water Tiger has in store for us

By Kaylee Cranley January 31, 2022

Happy New Year! A chance to start over…again. Here is everything you need to know about 2022 the Year of the Water Tiger.

The Chinese New Year falls on Tuesday, February the 1st, also known as the Lunar New Year or Spring Festival. It is celebrated on the second full moon of the Winter Solstice and possibly the biggest celebration in Chinese culture.

The Chinese zodiac originates over 2000 years ago, from the Qin Dynasty embedded in a system of zoolatry (animal worship). The animals of the Chinese zodiac, follow one another in an established order and are repeated every twelve years. Each sign is associated with differing qualities, strengths and weaknesses, divided by their element as well as their yin (feminine) vs yang (masculine) spectrum.

The Chinese Zodiac acts in accordance to the year of birth as follows:

Ox – 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009, 2021

Rat – 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008, 2020

Tiger – 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010, 2022

Rabbit – 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011, 2023

Dragon – 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, 2024

Snake – 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025

Horse – 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014, 2026

Goat – 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015, 2027

Monkey – 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016, 2028

Rooster – 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017, 2029

Dog – 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018, 2030

Pig – 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019, 2031

The general forecast for the year of 2022, is a year of possibility and prosperity.

The lead up to this year comes from following on from 2020, the Year of the Rat, which was a year grounded on survival. 2021, the Year of the Ox, was focused on cementing ourselves in new reality. The past two years have been preparing us for 2022, the Year of the Tiger. We are now ready to action and advance with the big changes coming throughout the year ahead.

In the Chinese zodiac, those born in the birth Year of the Tiger are born leaders, independent and fearless. They are hungry for excitement, crave attention, typically walk and talk assertively and inspire respect. Tigers are courageous and energetic, as well as love a challenge or competition. They may also be rebellious, short-tempered and outspoken, typically known for preferring to give orders, rather than take them.

Tigers employ their strength and justice in the face of adversity. Utilising Tiger traits will benefit everyone entering this Lunar New Year. Reigning in the Year of the Tiger, means you can also expect good fortune in your relationships and family life.

The water element, makes 2022 especially distinctive as it falls only every 60 years. The Water Tiger is favourable as a symbol of strength, courage and predilection. The element of this year symbolises a year of wealth, influence, power, politics and a central focus on such advances.

Those who thrive on attention, decisiveness and decision, will be moving to the next level and benefit the most this coming year. “The challengers,” and those who will be tested this year, include those born in the year of the Tiger, Snake, Monkey and the Boar. The “trailblazers” of 2022 include those born in the year of the Rat, Ox, Rabbit and Dragon and the “superstars” of 2022, include those born in the year of the Horse, Sheep, Rooster and Dog.

A forecast for the year ahead:

Tiger: Although it is the Year of the Tiger, those born in this astrological year will be challenged. It probably will not be a year for relationship advances, and singles need to be patient when hoping for a suitable mate. They will however, have better luck in family and work relations.

Rabbit. A trailblazer of 2022, the Rabbit can look ahead to a lucky year. This will be predominant in business and career moves, international affairs and performance elevation. There is warning in regard to new friends this year, as some may become financial burdens.

Dragon: The Dragon should pay attention to social relationships, their health and their loved ones in 2022. It is said to be a year to focus on strength and self-resilience. No one is coming to save them this year, so they are warned to act conservatively and complain less.

Snake: Similar to the Tiger, the snake will be challenged this year. They must learn to control their temper this year, with disputes with family and possible exes on the horizon.

Horse: The Horse can look forward to a good year with work advancement and financial skills. There is room to cultivate interpersonal relationships with social entertainment opportunities on the horizon in 2022.

Sheep: The Sheep will be in luck in 2022, as they make big changes, persevere and advance. There is a year of romance on the horizon for the sheep, it is also a good year for marriage, having another child and moving to new property.

Monkey: The Monkey will have a tough year of twists and turns. There is advice to play conservatively as they will not have much luck in career or relationships this year. Relationships with family will however, be peaceful.

Rooster: This will be a great year for the Rooster, as two of the luckiest stars will be shining on them throughout 2022. This year there will be good food, wine, career advancements, relationships and adventures.

Dog: The Dog’s luck will be on their side this year, as their talents flourish. They must show care to their lovers, friends and family as well as their health to avoid illness and communication breakdown.

Pig: Those born in the year of the Pig will have opportunity for work promotion and collaboration. However, the pig should be weary of unfamiliar partnerships and competitors stealing opportunities.

Rat: The Rat will face average luck this year. They are warned to beware of any extreme activities as some unlucky stars indicate a possible injury. Rats may also find their schedules busier than usual making it harder to make new connections and friends.

Ox: The Ox can expect a good year with being more open to opportunities for relationships. It is a perfect year for those single, having the best luck in romance out of the twelve signs in 2022.

There are lucky colours and numbers associated with the Chinese zodiac and year ahead. For the Year of the Tiger, the colours green and blue will bring luck and fortune, with lucky numbers 1, 3 and 7. There are additional warnings to stay clear of the colour white and the numbers 4 and 9 throughout the year.

Tigers are strong, aggressive and they keep moving all the time. There’s an imperative warning, to keep your ego in check this year, to transition through 2022 with ease and advances, seizing every opportunity, just as the tiger would.

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FOOD & NUTRITION

4 tips for creating a healthy and energising lunchbox

By OFFSPRING January 26, 2022

The summer holidays are almost at a close, and the back to school rush is fast approaching. It’s a busy time of preparation, buying supplies and packing bags. Save a few moments this January to carefully consider your child’s lunchbox by incorporating these useful tips from JuicedLife.

1. Add colour

The easiest way to bring lunchtime excitement is to incorporate a range of vibrant colours into the meal. Create a rainbow explosion of green, orange, red, yellow and purple through a clever (and very strategic) choice of fresh foods. Encourage eating across the colour spectrum to promote the intake of various phytochemicals and nutrients. Snack-sized, pre-cut fruits and vegetables are easy additions, as are delicious micro-sized juice shots.

To make the process collaborative, consult with your child and consider colour-coded days. Maybe Tuesday could be “red day,” so stock the lunchbox with watermelon, whole cherry tomatoes and spaghetti bolognese sauce. Friday could be “rainbow day,” celebrating and signifying the end of the week. Play around with their favourite colours and engage your children in creating and brainstorming. Try to avoid repetition; keep it exciting!

2. Consider all the senses

Taste obviously plays a huge role in guaranteeing your child actually eats their lunch. Make sure you consider the crunch factor at every meal, as this chewing action stimulates satisfaction. Carrots, apples and rice crackers are great examples of healthy crunch.

The perfect lunchbox should incorporate and engage all the senses. Aroma is vital, so consider adding a little rose water or orange blossom to their drinking water for a pleasant lift. Avoid foods that might typically start to smell or go slimy, creating an unpleasant feel or appearance. Most children will eat with their hands, so include elements that are easy to pick up without too much mess and aren’t off-putting to touch. Importantly, ask for their feedback, particularly if they don’t eat something: why did they leave it?

Colour adds to the overall visual appeal, but think about also presenting ingredients in creative ways to boost interest. Roll, wrap, plait and stack elements. Make it fun.

3. Fill up on healthy, energy-boosting ingredients

To keep kids energised and raring to go at school, it’s important to fill up on the good stuff. Fruits and vegetables provide vital energy, vitamins, minerals, fibre and hydration. They aren’t high in protein and fats, though, which are also essential for satiation and overall health.

So, make sure to also include healthy fats and protein, boosting brain health, immunity and physical energy. Don’t over-complicate it – staple additions are ideal, such as hard-boiled eggs, sliced cheese, avocado and lemon juice or olive oil, and pulled chicken.

Avoid the temptation to rely on inexpensive starchy carbs when building your child’s lunchbox. Limit rice, bread, pasta, biscuits, crackers, etc. and instead choose simple and clean whole foods with minimal processing. While they are easy to reach for in the supermarket, they lack the health benefits and satiation required.

4. Choose convenience (without sacrificing health)

A healthy lunchbox shouldn’t come at the cost of your time and sanity – there are plenty of simple solutions that are low on preparation but high in nutritional value.

Smoothies are a great and easy option for sustained energy, whether made at home (including various fruits and vegetables) or purchased from a health conscious vendor. Juices and smaller juice shots provide an extra boost and also enhance the lunch experience with a wide range of colours and textures. Protein balls and snack bars are perfect fillers and much-liked by kids, offering a little dose of natural sweetness without spoiling their appetite for the next meal.

Other great snack options can be made from the leftovers sitting in your fridge or pantry. Additional protein hits are great morsels to include, but also consider slices of tray bakes from the previous nights’ dinner or muesli pressed into balls or bars.

Most importantly, have fun with your lunchbox ideas. Explore hacks on Instagram, experiment with your child and kickstart a colourful, delicious and nutritious plan for 2022.

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HEALTH

10 Ways to heal your nervous system

By Kaylee Cranley January 13, 2022

In the age of excessive on-the-go anxiety, the science is evident, if you want your mind and body to last and thrive…you’ve got to prioritise them. Healing your nervous system is an unceasing journey, and fulfilling these 10 steps, will work towards a healthier mind and body daily.

Nearly one in six of the world’s population suffer from neurological disorders in direct relation to the nervous system. These neurological disorders range from Parkinson’s disease to stroke, Alzheimers, Multiple Sclerosis, epilepsy, migraine, brain injury and nueroinfections. The UN World Health Organisation studies exhibit people in all countries, irrespective of age, sex, income or education, are affected by triggers in direct relation to an overactive or neglected nervous system.

The nervous system is the bodies communication centre. Originating from the brain, it controls movements, memory, feelings, automatic responses and the bodies systems and processes, including digestion, breathing and sexual development (puberty).

A vast network of nerves send electrical signals to and from other cells, glands, and muscles throughout the body, receiving information from the environment and interpreting the information to control bodily responses.

Following these 10 guided tips to healing and regulating an overactive nervous system is the first step toward a healthier you today.

1. Meditation and breath work

It is the repeated, as well as the tried and true, magic of meditation and breath work, that can heal a range of bodily stresses and ultimately tap into the healing process of your parasympathetic nervous system. Just five minutes a day of deep breathing through your nose is clinically proven to reduce stress and anxiety. Gentle yoga, breath work and meditation classes all work to move the body out of the fight or flight stress response, instead grounding and bringing the mind back to the present moment and in turn generating a healthier nervous system.

2. Cold water

Opting for a cold shower or an ocean swim, will kickstart repair and healing in your body and nervous system. Cold water stimulates the immune system and activates the vagus nerve, reducing stress response. The vagus nerve is apart of the autonomic nervous system, connecting the brain to our digestive tract and working as a highway between brain and gut.

3. Sleep

We have all been ingrained with the ineradicable importance of sleep on both our mental and physical health, and there is nothing more essential when healing and protecting the nervous system. Building and supporting a strong immune and nervous system, is directly linked to our sleep cycle. Majority of people need between 7-9 hours a night, however with statistics presenting the average person is receiving less than 7. If you struggle to get a good nights rest, lavender diffusers, eye masks and turning screens off an hour before bed, may help to set your sleep pattern and ultimately help to heal an overactive or weakened nervous system.

4. Limit your caffeine and alcohol Intake

Alcohol is a sedative that slows down both the central nervous system and brain processing. This effect is why people who drink may feel calmer or more relaxed. Caffeine, conversely, is a stimulant, and high doses can cause side effects like anxiety and nervousness. Consuming caffeine stimulates your central nervous system and brain to feel awake, increasing alertness and boosting brain activity. However, caffeine blocks the brain chemical adenosine, which leads to feelings of tiredness. Consumption of both substances tend to dehydrate us, heighten anxiety as well as lead to sleep and digestive issues that work against the immune and nervous system.

5. Fruit and vegetables

A healthy diet filled with fruit and root vegetables is both nourishing and repairing to the nervous system. Foods to heal both the adrenals* and nervous system include:

Foods to support the Adrenals:

*The adrenals produce hormones that regulate your metabolism, immune system, blood pressure, stress response and other essential functions.

Bananas
Broccoli
Bone Broth
Cauliflower
Cottage Cheese
Kiwi
Orange Juice
Papaya
Turkey
Red Bell Peppers
Liver

Foods to support the Nervous System:

Avocados
Bananas
Bone Broth
Carrots
Cherries
Coconut Water
Collagen
Leafy Greens
Orange Juice
Oysters
Salmon
Organ Meats
Sunflower Seeds
Walnuts
Tropical Fruits

6. Smarter exercise

Often when we feel stressed or our mind is running wild, we opt for cardio or high-intensity workouts to burn off steam. While this can be an option, many may find it too stimulating, and in whole, taking a greater toll on their adrenals and nervous system. Grounding exercises , such as walking, yoga and pilates may be more beneficial for somebody stuck in their fight-or-flight stress response. Remember that, stress (cortisol) is addictive, so many crave to continue their imbalance. Weightlifting is also said to be beneficial for the nervous system, offering proprioceptive input. Fast running or high impact activities such as kick-boxing continue to stimulate an overactive nervous system rather then de-regulate it.

7. Acupuncture

Acupuncture has been utilised for millennia to regulate the nervous system and treat many diseases in relation. Acupuncture points stimulate the nervous system, creating chemicals and energy that encourage a parasympathetic response throughout the body, switching on the bodies natural healing abilities.

8. Bodywork

Massages, chakra balancing, rolling, craniosacral therapy and reflexology are all bodywork techniques utilised to turn off your stress hormones and allow your body to relax and heal. We often need to somatically release toxic stored emotions, and bodywork allows us to do in a graceful way. These therapies have been known to help release deep trauma and tension and by doing so, the body can start to heal and recover.

9. Dance or sing it out

Trying to constantly juggle being productive, staying physically and mentally active and social, on top of work or other related stresses can be draining on our nervous system. In turn our bodies look for ways to release this built up energy and tension. You don’t have to be the next Beyonce to enjoy the healing benefits of song and dance, your body and mind will love you back equally the same. Expressive dance works to calm and regulate the nervous system, releasing and reducing stress built up in the brain and body. So the next time you are feeling overwhelmed, belt out your favourite tune in the car or expressive dance moves as an alternative therapy.

10. Play on the senses

The five senses collect information about the surrounding environment that is then interpreted by the brain. However, sometimes information overload drives our nervous system into an overactive state. De-stressing through playing on the senses allows you to de-regulate your nervous system and calm the mind back into the present moment.

1. Listen:

Listen to relaxing music or meditative music works to calm your nervous system. inc.com‘s study article, explains how Neuroscience says listening to a particular song reduces anxiety by up to 65 percent.

Sound therapies have been around for centuries, including in indigenous cultures, where arranged harmonies, rhythms, and bass lines were utilised to slow a listener’s heart rate, reduce blood pressure and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

A list of 10 tracks by Dr. David Lewis-Hodgson “Weightless,” resulted in a striking 65 percent reduction in participants’ overall anxiety, and a 35 percent reduction in their usual physiological resting rates.

Sound therapy using Tibetan singing bowls are another option to heal through listening. Utilising a type of bell that vibrates and produces a rich, deep tone when played, the healing bowls are used to strengthen meditation, healing and spirituality.

2. Smell:

Aromatherapy is the use of aromatic plant extracts and essential oils for healing and cosmetic purposes. The healing benefits of aromatherapy, work to promote health and well-being. Sometimes called essential oil therapy, aromatic essential oils are used to medicinally improve the health of the body, mind, and spirit. Enhances both physical and emotional health, this can be utilised through candles and essential oils that also trigger memories and transform mood.

Aroma grounds us and make us feel more relaxed, working as a defence of healing for the nervous system. Common essential oils vary from eucalyptus, chamomile, frankincense, lemongrass, lavender and more.

3. Taste:

A warm cup of herbal tea is the perfect taste sensation to help calm the sympathetic nervous system. Both the taste and warmth of tea as you’re holding it, and tasting the aromatic flavours, usher in feelings of comfort and relaxation.

4. Feel:

The first sense that humans develop, also influences our decisions when we relate a texture to a believed concept. Patting animals, walking barefoot, enjoying an epsom salt bath or sitting in sunlight releases oxytocin through feeling safe and warm. Oxytocin is the brains direct antidote to the stress hormone cortisol.

5. Sight:

Spending time in nature and focusing upon non-stimulating material help to heal and release added anxiety from the nervous system. Spend time away from any technology and instead give your eyes a break with examples of enjoying sunsets, beach time or opting for journaling or reading.

In an age inundated with supplemental stresses, the need to pay attention and care toward our nervous system is more prevalent than ever. Healing and de-regulating an overactive or impaired nervous system is an unremitting process, nevertheless, through repetition and consistency, you can work to bring your body back to balance and help to heal an overstimulated nervous system.

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FOOD & NUTRITION

5 easy lunchbox ideas

By Allyssa Stemitsiotis January 5, 2022

School lunches can become repetitive and tedious; the following is a list of 5 easy recipes for our kids to enjoy.

Lunchbox Pasta Salad from BBC Good Food

Ingredients:

400g of pasta
4-5 tablespoons of fresh pesto
1 tablespoon of mayonnaise
2 tablespoons of Greek yogurt
½ a juiced lemon
200g of mixed cooked veg (e.g., peas, green beans, courgette)
100g of cherry tomatoes in quarters
Choice of 200g of cooked of chicken, ham, prawns, hard-boiled egg or cheese

Method:

Cook the pasta in boiling water until al dente. Drain and tip into a bowl. Stir in the pesto and leave to cool.
When the pasta is cool, stir through the mayo, yogurt, lemon juice and veg. Spoon into lunchboxes or on to pasta plates and put the cooked chicken or protein of your choice on top. Chill until ready to eat if intended for a packed lunch.

Quick Mini Quiches from Kidspot Kitchen

Ingredients:

Vegetable oil spray
4 large eggs
3 finely chopped spring onions
1 cup of creamed corn
50g of grated tasty cheese

Method:

Heat the oven to 180°C and spray 10 holes of a muffin tray with vegetable oil.
Mix all the ingredients together and spoon into the pan; fill each muffin cavity about 2/3 full.
Bake for 25-30 minutes until set in the middle.
Cool completely and store in an airtight container in the fridge.

Cornflake and oat fruit biscuits from Australia’s Best Recipes

Ingredients:

1 cup of self-rising flour
3/4 cup of rolled oats
1 cup of Cornflakes
150g of butter
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 cup of sultanas
1/2 cup of finely chopped dried apricots
1/2 cup of chocolate bits
1 teaspoon of vanilla essence
1 tablespoon of honey
1/2 cup of coconut

Method:

in a large bowl, combine all dry ingredients.
Stir in melted butter, vanilla, honey and beaten egg.
Drop tablespoons of mixture onto baking trays lined with baking paper. Flatten with a fork.
Bake for 10-12 minutes at 180C.

Kiwi Pops from Kidspot Kitchen

Ingredients:

2 kiwifruits
200 g of dark chocolate
Pop sticks

Method:

Cover a flat tray with baking paper and place in the fridge.
Peel and slice each kiwifruit into 4 thick wedges.
Push the pop sticks gently into each slice.
Melt chocolate in the microwave in a glass bowl in 30 second bursts, stirring well in between.
Dip the kiwi into chocolate and tap off excess gently. Place on cooled tray and return to fridge to set.

Energy Bites from BBC Good Food

Ingredients:

100g of pecan
75g of raisin
1 tablespoon of ground flaxseed (or a mix – milled flaxseed, almond, Brazil nut or walnut mix)
1 tablespoon of cocoa powder
1 tablespoon of agave syrup
50g of desiccated coconut
2 tablespoons of peanut butter

Method:

Put pecans in a food processor and blitz to crumbs. Add raisins, peanut butter, flaxseeds, cocoa powder and agave syrup, then pulse to combine.
Shape the mixture into golf ball-sized spheres and coat in the coconut. Put in the fridge to firm for 20 mins.

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KIDS

Last minute gift ideas Christmas 2021

By Melissa Juratowitch December 21, 2021

An age group breakdown of the best gift ideas for the much-loved little ones in your life.

0-1 years:

Welcome, Child! by Sally Morgan ($12.99)

A beautiful board book by acclaimed Australian author, Sally Morgan. A celebration of the love felt for a newborn child.

Knitted Rainbow Blanket ($79.00)

100% organic knitted cotton, this stylish rainbow blanket makes a gorgeous gift for new bubs.

Personalised First Christmas Book ($49.99)

A personalised picture book that counts down to Christmas day. Choose your cover colour, write an inscription, select their illustrated character.

Peter Alexander Baby Poly Set ($49.99)

An adorable luxe silky feel satin set for the festive season in either red or green.

Anita the Bananita Teething Toy ($29.99)

Designed with an ergonomic shape to hold and chew easily, this cute teether toy has a range of textures for little ones to soothe teething gums.

Sophie the Sheep Rattle ($20.00)

Soft baby rattle that unlike squeak toys does not require any strength to make a sound.

The Gro-To Set ($83.00)

Baby-friendly bath gel, body lotion, and magical body oil in an adorable travel bag.

2-4 years

Reusable Colour in Place Mat ($29.95)

Layout the silicone mat, colour it in and then wipe it down for the next use!

Sand Play Set ($39.99)

Build sandcastles, or dig for buried treasure – this set comes with a shovel, bucket, rake and a sandcastle mould.

Dinosaur String Lights ($29.99)

Light up a dinosaur-lovers room!

Bath Crayons ($21.99)

Add creativity and fun to bath time. Made with 100% natural food-grade ingredients and non-toxic colourants for easy cleaning.

Wooden Bistro Tea-set ($40.00)

A 21-piece tea set with teapot, trays, cups, tea bags, and spoons.

Bluey: Christmas Swim ($16.99)

A perfect Christmas gift. Join Bluey, his family and his new toy on a gorgeous day around the pool.

Dino Swim Vest 2-3 years ($64.99)

A great gift idea for little ones as they enjoy summer in the sun!

The Very Hungry Caterpillar Double-Sided Puzzle ($29.99)

A beautiful puzzle that helps teach children colours and shapes over its 2-sides. One side features a beautiful rainbow, and the other introduces eight different shapes.

5-8 years

Inflatable Shark Sprinkler ($39.99)

Simply connect your garden hose to the adaptor and set the kids up for an afternoon of fun under the sprinkler. Additionally, the sprinkler can float in the pool as a water fountain.

3D Lunar LED Nightlight ($39.99)

An accurate model of the moon nightlight with stand. Perfect for the space obsessed.

Sweet Christmas Bath Set ($15.50)

A cute gift including a butter bear bath bomb & mini snow fairy bubble bar.

Popem Poppit Poppies ($7.65 each)

Available in a dinosaur or unicorn design, these fidget toys are sure to be a hit.

Backyard Tennis Set ($12.00)

Can’t beat a classic. A sure-fire hit for Christmas day with kids and adults alike.

Unicorn Jewellery Set ($34.95)

This cute set includes: bracelet, necklace, ring, clip-on earrings, hair barrette and carry purse.

Somebody’s Land by Adam Goodes & Ellie Laing ($18.50)

A stunning new accessible picture book, Adam Goodes & Ellie Laing’s ‘Somebody’s Land’ is full of life, inviting children and their families to imagine themselves into Australia’s past.

9-12 years

Nature’s Treasures by Ben Hoare ($25.00)

A perfect gift for the curious child in your life who loves to identify things and wants to know more about the wonderful natural world.

Inflatable Volleyball Set ($59.99)

A sure hit for the bigger kids. Can be used at the beach, in the pool or on land!

The Brainiac Board Game ($39.99)

A fun and stimulating board game featuring categories such as art, science, reading, math and the world! With graded questions, so siblings can play fairly against each other.

Smashball Set ($49.99)

A fun new game that is easy to play and easy to set up. The smash ball set includes net, 3 balls, drawstring back and instructions.

Cards Against Humanity: Family Edition ($44.00)

A fill-in-the-blank party game for kids and adults to play together!

Smarties Cooking Baking Kit ($19.99)

Includes skillet, smarties and vanilla cookie mix.

Kids Fluffy Slippers ($29.00)

Soft and fluffy faux fur slides, available in six different colours.

Rainbow Macrame Kit ($29.99)

A beautiful DIY project that makes a great wall feature.

Rainbow Novelty Desk Light ($29.99)

USB or battery operated.

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PARENTING

2021’s version of self-inflicted emotional abuse. Am I gaslighting myself?

By Maggie Stoner December 1, 2021

Gaslighting has been on the rapid rise since 2013, reaching its peak when it was dubbed the “buzz word” of 2018. However, in recent years gaslighting has taken a more insidious turn, with people beginning to question if they might be gaslighting themselves.

No, you aren’t being too sensitive.

Yes, you are qualified enough to ask for a raise at your job.

No, you can’t “change” your partner’s toxic traits.

Yes, you can do better.

Gaslighting has become somewhat of a buzz word in the psychological, relationship and self-development spaces of 2021. It’s often used to characterise a form of manipulative behaviour, commonly from parents, friends, bosses, intimate partners, or even medical professionals. However, a new phenomenon has more recently be discovered: the ability to gaslight yourself.

Psychologists classify gaslighting as a manipulation tactic, whereby the manipulator undermines and questions the victims integrity, leading them to doubt their own reality and memory of the situation. It has become such a forewarned pattern of behaviour due to the subtlety of its harm. If someone is continually gaslit, with their perception of self-belief repeatedly minimised, the seeds of self-doubt planted by the gaslighter can be internalised – thus transferring the cycle of being gaslit, to gaslighting yourself.

In simple terms – repeated abuse can cause one to become their own abuser.

What does self-gaslighting look like?

Simply, self-gaslighting can look like the suppression and ignorance of your emotions, thoughts, and intuitive feelings – thus rendering them as “dramatic” or “unnecessary”. More specifically, the Moon and Manifest Podcast notes that a tell-tale sign of self-gaslighting is when one repeatedly second-guesses and rationalises away their intuition. We’re all familiar with the strong gut-feelings we have when we are hurt by someone, or we know we are unhappy in some aspect of our lives. But if someone becomes susceptible to self-gaslighting tendencies, this “intuitive knowing”, becomes no longer a guidance system, but a voice consciously ignored in favour of more sabotaging thoughts.

A classic and common example of this is often seen when an individual is hurt by someone but dismisses their feelings of sadness or offence in the vein of – “I’m being too sensitive about this, it’s not a big deal.”

Self-gaslighting can also manifest in the workplace – with persistent and public critiques of performance, exclusion, gossip and belittling of efforts being internalised to create the perception that one isn’t deserving of working there. To prevent this self-gaslighting-induced imposter syndrome from emerging in the workplace, two more obvious scenarios that demonstrate gaslighting in a working environment could be:

Your boss doesn’t remember you handing him your report last week, even though you are sure it happened, and you did the work. The gaslighter remains adamant they never got it, which leads you to question whether they are right, and you are misremembering – despite your previous certainty.
Your boss tells you it isn’t a big deal if you miss the morning briefing, but when you do, they criticise you for it – leading you to question your commitment to the workplace, and worthiness of obtaining the job.

Whether you are experiencing gaslighting in the workplace or in a relationship, the consequences remain the same, and it often results in this internalised behaviour pattern that means the gaslighter no longer needs to do the heavy lifting – but rather you are doing it yourself.

Self-gaslighting in motherhood

Another scenario where self-gaslighting behaviours can manifest, is within mothers who undermine and question their ability to parent. Although gaslighting relationships between parents and children have been widely researched and reported, the ability for a parent to gaslight themselves, is less covered.

As parenting is already a famously challenging time – mothers who are trapped in patterns of self-inflicted gaslighting can begin to doubt their parenting capabilities and downplay the struggles of raising children under the guise of “other people have it worse”. These self-manipulative behaviours are detrimental to the mental health of whoever is experiencing it, however self-gaslighting in parenthood, if left ignored, can lead to more severe afflictions like parental burnout.

Solutions

There are a myriad of different strategies and processes to try and reverse the entrenchment of gaslighting tendencies in oneself.

Becoming self-aware

The first step to subvert self-gaslighting behaviours, is to become more self-aware. Being self-aware of your surroundings, interactions, thoughts, and feelings can reverse the psychologically distorting effects of self-gaslighting.

Self-awareness is ultimately about being confident in who you are and what you feel – in other words, being assured in your intuition. When one becomes self-aware, they have the ability to recognise the problem – in that they are gaslighting themselves – gain perspective on the origins of problem and begin to understand their feelings objectively.

Affirming your emotions

When one is in the process of understanding their self-sabotaging behaviours, Healthline Australia proposes a process of “affirming emotions” to counteract the aspect of self-gaslighting that tells you your emotions aren’t valid. An example of affirming your emotions when someone gaslights you, can look like this.

Gaslighting: “I didn’t mean it like that, you’re exaggerating, you’re crazy”
Self-gaslighting: “Maybe I am crazy. I know they love me, and they wouldn’t have meant it like that.”
Affirming emotions: “I remember how they worded it and I stand by how it made me feel. They should not have said it.”

CBT

If the clutches of self-gaslighting are too entrenched in you that these self-talk methods aren’t working – psychologists strongly recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which focuses on restructuring the way individuals think and process emotions, hoping to lessen the distortion that self-gaslighting causes. It’s important to note that CBT has been likened to gaslighting when not performed properly, as the psychologists attempts to render clients issues as a product of their mental distortion, can sometimes seem like an “it’s all in your head” approach. However, a psychologist or therapist who is aware of the dangers of gaslighting and self-gaslighting, can utilise CBT as a tool to minimise the self-doubt and re-arrange clients’ thoughts in the correct way – without making them feel as though they are “crazy” or at fault.

You are not alone.

Most importantly, if you have been experiencing self-gaslighting, it’s important to know that you are not alone. Gaslighting and self-gaslighting has become one of the most dangerous behaviour manipulations of the past couple of years, and a phenomenon that has been well researched.

It is imperative that if you think you have been subjected to self-gaslighting, reach out for support – whether that be to a trusted friend, partner or professional – and try to begin by validating your feelings. Everyone deserves to feel confident in themselves, their intuition and their relationships, and with the right approach, self-gaslighting won’t stand in the way of that.

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KIDS

My experience growing up as a fraternal twin and discovering individuality

By Hannah Crane September 24, 2021

My twin sister is my soulmate. Whilst she braved the cold and adventured our snow-covered garden, I curled up under the warmth of blankets absorbed in a good book. Being so different and yet having our lives so intimately entwined has given me a unique sense of individuality.

My twin sister, Alanna, beat me into the world by 20 minutes – 20 minutes that to my Mum, felt like 20 years. Little did we know, we had just begun our vibrant and adventurous life together as twins. Whilst other children spent time learning how to build friendships, I was born with mine.

As babies we shared everything: a small, bright bedroom decorated with exotic animals and a rocking horse, a pram, which we giggled in as we rode over bumpy ground, and a marvelous curiosity for everything we encountered.

As we began to talk and toddle around, I clumsily knocked into things whilst Alanna naturally found her feet. As we learnt to eat new foods, I was reserved, sticking to my favourite cheese sandwiches with Alanna across the table in full excitement, allowing new fruits to tingle on her tongue.

Whilst other children spent time learning how to build friendships, I was born with mine.

Slowly our small, bright bedroom became two larger and very different rooms. My walls were painted a blushing pink with butterflies flying in every direction. Across the hallway, Alanna played in a room of deep purple, surrounded by chestnut horses which galloped across the walls. Despite discovering our own quirks and curiosities, Alanna and I were joined at the hip, in love with spending time together.

Our Mum encouraged our individuality, running back and forth from my ballet classes and Alanna’s horse-riding lessons. We would venture into our own passions and after doing so, fall excitedly onto our old cream sofa to tell each other all about it. It was important to our parents that we learn to build our own identities – something which years on, has helped me to seek out my own life separate from Alanna.

When it comes to fraternal twins, it is vital that loved ones acknowledge and celebrate differences so that each person has a chance to build their own sense of self and not become attached to a joint, twin identity.

Being a fraternal twin is magic; our uniqueness is the very thing that makes us so close. Our difference in appearance is almost as stark as our difference in personality: my hair falls in soft, honey blonde curls that melt onto my shoulders; Alanna’s hair tumbles in rich, dark hues and is always cut short and neat.

Alanna and I were joined at the hip, in love with spending time together.

I was born with hazel eyes that appear green in the sunlight, Alanna with eyes as blue as the Cornish sea. Her skin is dusted with freckles – mine, a blank canvas.

Interestingly, when we visited our grandparents, they attempted to dress us in the same frolicking outfits, despite our intense differences. In school and around friends, we were often referred to as ‘the twins’ or ‘the Cranes’ which was much to our dislike, having always been treated as individuals by our parents. Spending our days, weeks, months and years together meant that naturally, we formed a likeness when it came to sense of humour, little phrases and mannerisms.

It was important to our parents that we learn to build our own identities.

Alanna and I share the same memories, have the same friends and family and have experienced almost every rite of passage together. Being so intimately connected with someone is a unique and extraordinary experience. It is within this deeply personal relationship that I have found my own individuality, and Alanna hers.

As we entered our teenage years and began high school, our differences flourished. We remained close, sitting together at lunchtime with a shared group of close friends, but as the bell echoed throughout the campus, I headed to my favourite English class as she made her way to Biology.

It was at this time that we truly came to grasp our individual character, struggling through the uncertain years of adolescence. Body image became a prevalent point of conversation between us as we noticed our bodies changing in different ways to each other.

We had come to accept that after years of shared experiences and time together, our lives were venturing down two separate pathways.

There were many days that were dull; we felt disconnected and separate from one another, having become even more independent in our self-image and awareness. We had always sought after our own distinct identity, but we remained incredibly close. Our teenage years proved to be complex as we attempted to navigate a new kind of individuality.

At 17, after years of having our own space, we moved into a new home which meant sharing a room together for the first time since we were babies. This became a challenge – a shared space as we attempted to grow into our differences.

I began to explore the avenues of writing and thought ahead to a creative career in the world of publishing; Alanna set her gaze on nursing and midwifery.

I wanted to stay up into the late hours of the night writing and chatting whilst Alanna adored the comfort of her bed and wished to turn the lights out before midnight. More so than ever, we encountered our differences and unlike the many years of our childhood, longed for our own space.

It wasn’t until our final years of high school that we realised the value in our closeness and its ability to enhance our individuality. We had come to accept that after years of shared experiences and time together, our lives were venturing down two separate pathways. Before university began, we gathered our savings and jetted off to Europe for ten incredible weeks.

We combined our interests: my love of literature and history in the museums we visited, Alanna’s passion for the countryside as we strolled along the vast green of England – and of course, to both of our excitement, a colourful indulgence in new foods. We ventured across Europe’s diversity, onto the seductive streets of Paris and balmy terraces of Rome.

We had always sought after our own distinct identity, but we remained incredibly close.

Now, at different universities and studying for our wonderfully different lives, we appreciate our individuality which thanks to our parents, has been fostered from an early age. From shared rooms, prams and toys, being called ‘the twins’ and wild attempts to dress us the same, Alanna and I flourished into two unique people, framed by our experiences together.

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LIFESTYLE

The language of flowers

By Chloe Cant September 21, 2021

When Marilyn Monroe died, her grief-stricken former lover Joe DiMaggio placed a 20-year order for a dozen roses to be placed on her grave three times each week, to symbolise his love.

Red roses mean love, daisies represent innocence, lotus flowers rebirth and gardenias happiness. This is the language of flowers. Flowers have been synonymous with sending messages of love, friendship, and condolences since Victorian times when every household studied their meaning and noted them down in flower dictionaries.

Of course, letters were always an option for Victorians. However, in a time with very strict societal standards about decorum and reputation, that was not always appropriate. It may not have been possible to tell someone your true feelings and so, using bouquets to send messages that could not be said out loud was a common way of communicating.

So, if you would like to become acquainted with this romantic form of communication, here are some of the meanings of flowers below.

1. Lotus Flower

The lotus flower signifies rebirth and new beginnings. This is because the flowers grow out of the mud in swampy areas. Each night, they slowly close and return to the mud, and each morning they bloom again, just as beautiful as ever.

In Greek Mythology, the lotus-eaters were people who lived on an island where lotus flowers were the primary source of food. However, the lotus flowers were a narcotic, and the island’s inhabitants slept their lives away. Whoever visited the island and ate the lotus flowers never returned and spent the rest of their days in slumber.

Today, if we call someone a ‘lotus-eater,’ it means they indulge in luxuries and apathy instead of dealing with practical problems. The Victorians often took inspiration from ancient myths or legends about flowers.

2. Cactus flower

To Victorians these prickly plants surprisingly meant…. Warmth. They do after all grow in the warmest climates.

There are many myths and legends about cactus flowers, including a Native American tale in which a young man being pursued by wild animals asked the gods for help. In response they turned him into a cactus, creating the very first cactus on earth.

3. Acacia

This beautiful bloom symbolises secret love. They are commonly seen growing wild in Australian suburbs, and now you can handpick them to send to someone you’re admiring from afar.

The Acacia flower has also been used for thousands of years for medicinal purposes in African.

4. Ambrosia

For Victorians, this bloom means that love is returned. It is a beautiful way of letting someone know that the feeling is mutual.

In Ancient Greek mythology, the gods drank and ate Ambrosia.

5. Gardenias

These beautifully scented flowers signify an overflow of happiness. Be careful with their delicate petals, as they can brown when touched.

It is common to see these flowers at weddings and in bridal bouquets, not only for their beauty but as an expression of joy.

6. Red Carnation

A red carnation indicates heartbreak. A yellow carnation means disdain and a striped carnation refusal. So…. Heartbreak and bad news all round for carnations despite their beauty.

7. Daffodil

A beautiful splash of cheerful yellow in a bouquet will signify regard and unequaled love. To send these in Victorian times was truly a compliment or a declaration of love.

The English poet William Wordsworth was so moved by the beauty of some daffodils he saw on a walk that he wrote a famous poem about them.

‘’I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils’’

– William Wordsworth.

8. Daisy

It doesn’t seem surprising that daisies signify innocence. However, they have different shades of meaning and in some cases can represent a promise to keep a secret.

A common custom with daisies is to pull the petals off one by one and recite each time, ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ until the last petal gives an answer.

9. Geranium

These represent folly and stupidity so do be careful with these. Despite this, they look beautiful in a bouquet or growing wildly in your garden.

10. Hibiscus

While these blooms might make you yearn for a tropical holiday, they represent a delicate kind of beauty. So, not only are they bold and stunning but highly complementary.

11. Honeysuckle

Represent the bonds of love. Perfect for an anniversary and they smell beautiful. They also look amazing growing wildly along a fence or somewhere in your garden.

12. White Jasmine

Their scent is unmistakable and for many of us they herald the beginning of the Australian spring and summer. However, these beauties mean sweet love and fidelity.

13. Marigold

Marigolds signify grief and jealousy. The shock of colour from their petals sends a strong message.

14. Poppy

A poppy can be sent in consolation. Often, we see them around ANZAC day for this reason. Their meaning of consolation represents solidarity in times of grief.

15. Red rose

Simply, I love you. There is no reading between the lines here.

16. Yellow Rose

Along with other flowers that signify bad news, yellow roses must be top of the list. They signify infidelity and a loss of love.

17. Yellow Tulip

In this case, yellow signifies good news. It means to tell someone that their smile is like sunshine and they are hugely complimentary. Nothing will cheer you up quite like looking at a bouquet of tulips.

18. Tiger Lily

A tiger Lily represents wealth, so gift a bouquet of these to someone you love who is looking for financial growth or an income

19. Magnolia

Signifies a love of nature and a sense of nobility. Their pale faces and dark green leaves give this bloom an elegance that matches their meaning.

20. Iris

Meaning wisdom, trust, and faith, these beautiful blooms carry a lot of meaning as well as being beautiful.

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CELEBRITY

Rising Woman founder shares how she moved from co-dependent to conscious relationships

By Rebecca Frost September 21, 2021

Rising Woman founder Sheleana Aiyana discusses how a spiritual awakening led her on a journey to self-acceptance and how her relationships have evolved along the way.

A conscious couple starts with a conscious individual. This is something that Sheleana Aiyana, founder and visionary of Rising Woman, found out the hard way. After a painful divorce in her early 20s, she was awakened to the traumas in her childhood which contributed to the total breakdown of her relationship. Since then, Sheleana has been committed to her own emotional development so that she can be better serve herself and others. Sheleana is now happily re-married and practises consciousness to make sure it stays that way.

Growing up in and out of foster homes, and without a father-figure present in her life, Sheleana admits that for too long she had no idea what a healthy relationship even looked like, let alone how to be a part of one. This led to a string of interactions with “unsafe partners” before finally letting go of the pain she had long suppressed.

As part of her spiritual transformation, Sheleana initially sought the guidance of a mentor to help resolve her abandonment issues. She was taught how to use inner child, shadow, and ancestral work to reconnect with the damaged parts of herself. Armed with the proper psychological tools, Sheleana was soon able to find peace and reclaim control over her life.

We are each responsible for our own happiness

After spending four years as an apprentice in transpersonal group-work containers and depth psychology, Sheleana now co-facilitates women’s groups and relationship workshops to help get others on the right track. She is trained in imago couples’ facilitation, tantra, couples work, somatic healing, and is even certified as a full-spectrum birth doula.

Her philosophy is that all relationships must start with the self before they can be extended out to include another. It is only after building a strong foundation of self-acceptance that we can bring someone else into our lives. By piecing together the broken parts of ourselves, we come to realise that we were whole all along, and did not need to be completed by anyone else.

This means that we are each responsible for our own happiness in a relationship – and it does not always have to be romantic. Platonic and professional relationships function in very much the same way. This is called being in a “conscious relationship”.

Sheleana explains, “Being conscious in a relationship is not a whole lot different than a conventional relationship other than the fact that we no longer see our partner as somebody who is designed to meet all of our needs.” They are there instead as a “partner in life and as an ally in healing … but also act as our spiritual teacher”.

By recognising a partner as an individual, and by supporting their individuality, it becomes possible to ease the burden of responsibility in a relationship. Sheleana suggests we are each responsible for our own emotional needs. Rather than depending solely on a partner to provide a particular feeling – be it happiness, or love, or a sense of worth – all of this you can (and should) provide for yourself.

But this doesn’t mean to say we shouldn’t expect a partner to provide these feelings for us. Rather, it is our responsibility to ensure our own needs are met before giving to another. This helps liberate couples from the unrealistic expectations held in society that they must ‘complete’ one another.

Sheleana uses an argument with her husband as an example of how to practice consciousness. When he “triggers something in me, that’s my opportunity to bring it in a vulnerable way and to invite him to do a healing process with me, or for me to take space to go and process that in myself.” Whereas in a conventional relationship, “If my husband triggers me then there’s something he did wrong and there’s something he needs to do in order to fix me so that I can feel better”.

A fundamental part of practicing relationship consciousness is to witness your own thoughts and behaviour and try to understand where it comes from. If your reactions are rooted in trauma, then it is important to recognise and reflect on them from another perspective so that they can be unlearnt. This is because unresolved trauma can lead to co-dependent relationships.

A co-dependent relationship is a type of dysfunctional relationship where one person doesn’t have self-sufficiency or autonomy. This often translates to one partner taking advantage of the other and is not good for either.

We’re not responsible for saving other people

The family systems we were exposed to as children taught us how to form and maintain bonds as adults. While some were able to develop healthy attachments to their caretakers, others might have learned co-dependency as a result of emotional or physical neglect. This can lead to attachment and abandonment issues in adult relationships.

Relationship consciousness actively works against co-dependency by dismantling the patterns of caretaking. Co-dependent people learn to put the wants and needs of others ahead of their own and sacrifice their own feelings in order to maintain these relationships. This is especially problematic in cases where the partner is abusive or suffering from an addiction. Independent people, however, know that it is not selfish to prioritise themselves before others.

Sheleana asserts, “We’re not responsible for saving other people.” Rather, “One of the most beautiful gifts we can give people when they are suffering … is to remind them of their own power” and capacity to heal on their own. To withhold this gift would be to withhold the catalyst for change.

It is possible to provide support to others while maintaining strong boundaries with ourselves. Sheleana says, “This isn’t to say that we don’t want to support people if they’re struggling” but that we need to “put our care and our own primary needs at the forefront as well, otherwise we’re just self-abandoning.” While it may seem selfless, it is actually a destructive coping mechanism to fixate on someone else’s problems and disregard your own.

According to Sheleana, “That’s a great way to distract from our own emotions. If I’m so focused on saving someone, I don’t have to think about my own my own trauma or my own feelings of unworthiness”.

By identifying our own boundaries and setting them firmly with others, we choose not to self-abandon. It is important that we stand up for ourselves. For example, “If we have plans and then we just cancel them because somebody that we are romantically interested in is inviting us out on a date and we just ditch all of our friends,” then we are self-abandoning by prioritising someone else.

It is important to determine what red flags to look out for in a relationship. Setting hard lines make it easier to identify and leave toxic behaviour which might have been normalised in the past. But Sheleana stresses the difference between an unhappy relationship and an abusive one. She says, “In our culture we tend to leave a relationship too early because we’re looking for perfection.” While abuse should never be tolerated, continued bickering and arguments might just be a result of poor communication. Sometimes a couple must learn how to emotionally re-connect with each other before walking away.

Speaking of how she entered her current relationship, Sheleana says, “We wrote lists, we revealed our traumas to each other, we shared life stories, we qualified what kind of relationship we wanted to build, what we needed, what we were afraid of, and the things that we still need to work on within ourselves. We sat in front of each other and asked, ‘Are you ready to do this work?’ and we both agreed.” This intensive process allowed them to locate and establish other’s boundaries; they started to become ‘conscious’.

Today, more than a decade has passed since Sheleana began spiritual seeking and she uses her relationship experience and knowledge to help guide others. Her uplifting book, Becoming the One, explores her own journey to self-acceptance and reveals how to transform pain into power.

Watch the full interview below or on our YouTube channel.